Dear mommy and daddy,
Naalala ko po nung bata pa ako, nasa kusina ata tayo tapos nagkakuwentuhan tayo tungkol sa isang school project na hindi ata ako nag-volunteer na mag-participate. Tinanong mo ko Mommy kung bakit hindi ako nagtaas ng kamay. Sabi ko, nahihiya ako. Medyo tumaas ang kilay ninyo nung sinabi ko sa iyo sabay sabi nyo sa akin, "Bakit ka mahihihya? Mahiya ka lang pag mali ang ginagawa mo. Pero pag tama ka, tumindig ka. Panindigan mo."
All my life, dala-dala ko yung mga salitang yun. At tuwing dumarating ako sa mga points of indecision sa buhay ko, binabalikan ko yung sinabi ninyong yun.
Ang best memory ko of Ryan e nung sinamahan niya ako sa St. Luke's many years ago nung first time akong inatake ng gout at hindi ako makalakad. Pinaglaruan nya yung wheelchair na inuupuan ko. Ginawa nyang racecar - itinakbo nya yung wheelchair (at ako) sa mga corridor ng hospital. Maraming napatingin na pasyente, doktor, nurse, at mga bisita sa amin habang tumitili ako sa nerbiyos at siya naman e pinagtatawanan ako sa katitili ko. Ryan was happy, full of life, love and care.
These days, I am sure ang tanong na nasa isip nating lahat e "ano nangyari?" Mula sa isang masayahin, malambing at me' malasakit na tao, naging galit siya, naging hindi makatotohanan, at parang nawalan ng moral compass.
At the same time, naalala ko din yung napakarami nating mga moments bilang pamilya na masaya tayo - yung mga napakaraming mga panahon na nag-aasaran tayo, naglalambingan, at magkakasama sa isang tahanan.
Ngayon, we're all hurting. We're all a little confused. We're all a little scared.
But I truly, deeply, and completely believe that God is working 24/7 to make us better. When He created the Garden of Eden, He also created the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Nung nasa high school ako, tinatanong ko mga madre, kung mahal tayo ni God, bakit niya ginawa yung tree na yun? Bakit hindi na lang niya ginawa yung Garden of Eden and made sure that everything in there is good? Bakit hindi na lang nya pinatay yung serpent? Hindi ako masagot ng maayos ng mga madre. Naala ko ang talim pa ng tingin sa akin ni sister habang tina-try nyang sagutin yun kasi nagkataon na nung tinanong ko yun, me' mga PAASCU visitors na nag-o-observe. Ang pangit nga naman ng timing ko. Nawalang ng poise si sister.
I eventually discovered the reason on my own.
God created the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and allowed the serpent to co-exist kasi everything is part of His design. My gut tells me alam niya na maggo-grow ang human being not only through positive reinforcements, but through pain as well. Be it pain from wrong choices we've made, be it pain from wrong choices other people have made. I think of God as the Great Sculptor of life. HIndi mabubuo ang masterpiece niya kung puro himas lang ang gagawin niya. He has to use the hammer. He has to use the chisel. He has to chip off and break parts and pieces of us in order to bring out His design in us.
Both the Old and New Testaments say that.
Deuteronomy 21:18 - 21:21 - "If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and [that], when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son [is] stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; [he is] a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear."
John 15:1-2. "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit."
We are all being hammered, chiseled, pruned. And -- lalo na kayo -- we may feel we are losing parts and pieces of us. Ryan is also being hammered, chiseled and pruned. All human beings are. Pero hindi pare-pareho ang reactions natin and God understands that. Some of us welcome it. Some of us are angry. Some of us are scared. God understands that all.
Even His only Son, when He walked the Earth as a human being, did His own version of hammering, chiseling and pruning.
Matthew 21:12-13 - "Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 'It is written,' he said to them, '‘My house will be called a house of prayer, 'but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’"
Hindi na na-cover ng Bible kung ano nangyari dun sa mga money changers saka dove sellers. They were cast away but the Bible did not say na pag namatay sila, sa hell sila pupunta kasi ginalit nila si Jesus. All we know that Jesus did was that He cast them away. I am sure meron kahit isa sa mga yun na na-realize ang mistakes niya. I am sure kung sino man siya, tried to come back. And I am sure Jesus did not turn him away this time. What Jesus did was to allow them time to realize the wrong choices they made. He did not do it by allowing them to stay in the temple and convincing them to change. He cast them out and allowed them the time and space to be better. And while Jesus was in the temple and preaching in other parts of Israel, God was also out there -- working on everyone who may or may not have seen or heard of His Son.
So I trust God. I trust that He is at work here. I trust that He is working on Ryan. I trust that He is working on us.
Sabi nga nung booklet titled "10 Reasons To Believe in a God Who Allows Suffering," - We hate pain, especially in those we love. Yet without discomfort, the sick wouldn’t go to a doctor. Worn-out bodies would get no rest. Criminals wouldn’t fear the law. Children would laugh at correction. Without pangs of conscience, the daily dissatisfaction of boredom, or the empty longing for significance, people who are made to find satisfaction in an eternal Father would settle for far less. The example of Solomon, lured by pleasure and taught by his pain, shows us that even the wisest among us tend to drift from good and from God until arrested by the resulting pain of their own shortsighted choices (Ecclesiastes 1-12; Psalms 78:34-35; Romans 3:10-18)
Now is the time we need to support each other and heal ourselves and the people who were hurt by Ryan's wrong choices- especially Chryss, Kyle, Hailey, Khalel and Klyde. It will not be quick. The road to forgiveness, to letting go of hurts and anger and doubts and fears is very, very long. But it's a good road. It's the right road. It's a path na hindi natin ikakahiya, na dapat panindigan, na dapat tayuan.
I truly believe that God is working on Ryan too. Do I believe that Ryan will change for good? Oo naman. In God's time. Not ours. Not mine. And I will not be selfish to give God a deadline.
For now, let's continue to love each other despite the hurts. Let's continue to trust each other, despite the doubts. Let's continue to accept each other, despite the fears.
Mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat.
Kermin
Naalala ko po nung bata pa ako, nasa kusina ata tayo tapos nagkakuwentuhan tayo tungkol sa isang school project na hindi ata ako nag-volunteer na mag-participate. Tinanong mo ko Mommy kung bakit hindi ako nagtaas ng kamay. Sabi ko, nahihiya ako. Medyo tumaas ang kilay ninyo nung sinabi ko sa iyo sabay sabi nyo sa akin, "Bakit ka mahihihya? Mahiya ka lang pag mali ang ginagawa mo. Pero pag tama ka, tumindig ka. Panindigan mo."
All my life, dala-dala ko yung mga salitang yun. At tuwing dumarating ako sa mga points of indecision sa buhay ko, binabalikan ko yung sinabi ninyong yun.
Ang best memory ko of Ryan e nung sinamahan niya ako sa St. Luke's many years ago nung first time akong inatake ng gout at hindi ako makalakad. Pinaglaruan nya yung wheelchair na inuupuan ko. Ginawa nyang racecar - itinakbo nya yung wheelchair (at ako) sa mga corridor ng hospital. Maraming napatingin na pasyente, doktor, nurse, at mga bisita sa amin habang tumitili ako sa nerbiyos at siya naman e pinagtatawanan ako sa katitili ko. Ryan was happy, full of life, love and care.
These days, I am sure ang tanong na nasa isip nating lahat e "ano nangyari?" Mula sa isang masayahin, malambing at me' malasakit na tao, naging galit siya, naging hindi makatotohanan, at parang nawalan ng moral compass.
At the same time, naalala ko din yung napakarami nating mga moments bilang pamilya na masaya tayo - yung mga napakaraming mga panahon na nag-aasaran tayo, naglalambingan, at magkakasama sa isang tahanan.
Ngayon, we're all hurting. We're all a little confused. We're all a little scared.
But I truly, deeply, and completely believe that God is working 24/7 to make us better. When He created the Garden of Eden, He also created the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Nung nasa high school ako, tinatanong ko mga madre, kung mahal tayo ni God, bakit niya ginawa yung tree na yun? Bakit hindi na lang niya ginawa yung Garden of Eden and made sure that everything in there is good? Bakit hindi na lang nya pinatay yung serpent? Hindi ako masagot ng maayos ng mga madre. Naala ko ang talim pa ng tingin sa akin ni sister habang tina-try nyang sagutin yun kasi nagkataon na nung tinanong ko yun, me' mga PAASCU visitors na nag-o-observe. Ang pangit nga naman ng timing ko. Nawalang ng poise si sister.
I eventually discovered the reason on my own.
God created the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and allowed the serpent to co-exist kasi everything is part of His design. My gut tells me alam niya na maggo-grow ang human being not only through positive reinforcements, but through pain as well. Be it pain from wrong choices we've made, be it pain from wrong choices other people have made. I think of God as the Great Sculptor of life. HIndi mabubuo ang masterpiece niya kung puro himas lang ang gagawin niya. He has to use the hammer. He has to use the chisel. He has to chip off and break parts and pieces of us in order to bring out His design in us.
Both the Old and New Testaments say that.
Deuteronomy 21:18 - 21:21 - "If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and [that], when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son [is] stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; [he is] a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear."
John 15:1-2. "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit."
We are all being hammered, chiseled, pruned. And -- lalo na kayo -- we may feel we are losing parts and pieces of us. Ryan is also being hammered, chiseled and pruned. All human beings are. Pero hindi pare-pareho ang reactions natin and God understands that. Some of us welcome it. Some of us are angry. Some of us are scared. God understands that all.
Even His only Son, when He walked the Earth as a human being, did His own version of hammering, chiseling and pruning.
Matthew 21:12-13 - "Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 'It is written,' he said to them, '‘My house will be called a house of prayer, 'but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’"
Hindi na na-cover ng Bible kung ano nangyari dun sa mga money changers saka dove sellers. They were cast away but the Bible did not say na pag namatay sila, sa hell sila pupunta kasi ginalit nila si Jesus. All we know that Jesus did was that He cast them away. I am sure meron kahit isa sa mga yun na na-realize ang mistakes niya. I am sure kung sino man siya, tried to come back. And I am sure Jesus did not turn him away this time. What Jesus did was to allow them time to realize the wrong choices they made. He did not do it by allowing them to stay in the temple and convincing them to change. He cast them out and allowed them the time and space to be better. And while Jesus was in the temple and preaching in other parts of Israel, God was also out there -- working on everyone who may or may not have seen or heard of His Son.
So I trust God. I trust that He is at work here. I trust that He is working on Ryan. I trust that He is working on us.
Sabi nga nung booklet titled "10 Reasons To Believe in a God Who Allows Suffering," - We hate pain, especially in those we love. Yet without discomfort, the sick wouldn’t go to a doctor. Worn-out bodies would get no rest. Criminals wouldn’t fear the law. Children would laugh at correction. Without pangs of conscience, the daily dissatisfaction of boredom, or the empty longing for significance, people who are made to find satisfaction in an eternal Father would settle for far less. The example of Solomon, lured by pleasure and taught by his pain, shows us that even the wisest among us tend to drift from good and from God until arrested by the resulting pain of their own shortsighted choices (Ecclesiastes 1-12; Psalms 78:34-35; Romans 3:10-18)
Now is the time we need to support each other and heal ourselves and the people who were hurt by Ryan's wrong choices- especially Chryss, Kyle, Hailey, Khalel and Klyde. It will not be quick. The road to forgiveness, to letting go of hurts and anger and doubts and fears is very, very long. But it's a good road. It's the right road. It's a path na hindi natin ikakahiya, na dapat panindigan, na dapat tayuan.
I truly believe that God is working on Ryan too. Do I believe that Ryan will change for good? Oo naman. In God's time. Not ours. Not mine. And I will not be selfish to give God a deadline.
For now, let's continue to love each other despite the hurts. Let's continue to trust each other, despite the doubts. Let's continue to accept each other, despite the fears.
Mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat.
Kermin
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