This is not what I expect.
I had at least two years of preparation before I stepped onboard Korean Air Flight 264 last February 13th. This was the first leg of the trip that will ultimately take me and my two sons, Renz (18) and Kian (13), to Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, as permanent residents. During those those two years, I mentally steeled myself against various worst-case scenarios that include weather, career, health, psychological scars.
Despite the mental exercises and disaster preparation, there is really nothing like the real thing. No matter how well one studies all the techniques of swimming and breathing, when one jumps into the deep for the first time, well... one flounders.
So four days after arriving here in the capital city of Saskatchewan, dubbed "The Land of the Living Skies," I am floundering.
I apologize to my positivism role models and inner-healing teachers, to my friends who always see me smile, to my parents whom I assured I will be all right, and to my sons who always think I'm cool. But these days, my internal complaints/whine box is full and bursting.
I AM CHALLENGED BY THE COLD WEATHER. Sure I have been monitoring the Regina weather for the past year or so. I know the temperature could be as severe as -45 degrees Celsius. I have heard the phrase "get used to the cold" more often than I care about. But theoretically knowing (with a few practice bouts in Beijing and Seoul) is different from actually experiencing. It is a pain to walk a few blocks and be out of breath not from the walk itself but from the exertion of trying to struggle every second against the biting cold. It is a painful irony that the faster I walk, the breezier it gets around my face, and the colder it gets while my back breaks in sweat.
I AM CHALLENGED BY THE HOUSE. So I am not expecting a house straight out of a magazine or from the "Desperate Housewives" show. But I was not expecting a house with a heater that conks out in the middle of the night and floorboards that creak every time I move, and feel like my foot will go through one of these days. I am all for a simple house or an apartment... with a heater that constantly works, and cabinets so that we will not be living out of our luggage as we continue to do so today.
I AM CHALLENGED BY THE NEIGHBORS. This three-storey house will have three Filipino families living in it. Currently there are two. We are occupying the ground floor. The 3 kids upstairs have this penchant of barging into our unit and insisting that they would like to play on the PS3. The ex has warned me about the Filipinos' sad tendency to be envious of each other and to outdo each other. I think I am slowly witnessing this.
I AM CHALLENGED BY THE EX. Yes he paid for our tickets and is doing his best to make the home liveable. He agreed for me to have my own room. He gifted the boys with a PS3, PSPs, a second-hand laptop and netbook. But he is still the same man I wished I didn't rush to marry. Even if 10 years have passed since we separated, I find that I still have little patience with his inaccurate information, his obsessive need to have his friends around him to the point that there are no personal (or familial) boundaries where his friends are concerned. I subscribed to the TFC channel and not an hour later, he mentioned to his buddy that he's wondering if he can share the channel with the family upstairs. Hello, and without even asking me if that is all right since I am the subscriber anyway. Little things I found annoying then, I still find annoying today.
I AM CHALLENGED BY BEING AWAY FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss having someone to talk to even on a quick 5-minute break. I miss breakfast with friends or late-night snacks with friends. I miss hanging out in coffee shops. I miss the connection. I don't think I will ever get used to the feeling of isolation that so prevails this part of the world.
** WHINE BOX FULL. RESETTING TO DUMP MEMORY AND RESTART **
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